


the first time hawke talks about bethany since lothering

by ariatl



Series: the storyteller and the raven [2]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 12:31:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10831338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariatl/pseuds/ariatl
Summary: sometimes hawke thinks too much at night, and it really gets to her.





	the first time hawke talks about bethany since lothering

_"You know, your father was a well-known healer."_

_"He was?" She feigned shock, a hand coming over her heart for dramatic flair. "That's news to me." Madelynn drawled, eyes wide from her perch on Anders' cot._

_Anders rolled his eyes, yanking her hand back to wrap the bandage around the particularly nasty wound on her wrist. "What I'm getting at is that you never use healing, despite your dad's abilities. What, did he never teach you?"_

_Varric chuckled, shaking his head as he listened in from his spot near the cot, Fenris not too far after their recent excursion._

_"Oh, he did," she smiled, eyes lowered. "I was just a shit student, you know. Short attention span and all."_

_Anders merely laughed and shook his head, while Varric noticed the almost imperceptible shift in her posture. Her shoulders tightened for a split second then relaxed, but he decided to ignore it, knowing her ability to dance around any uncomfortable subject, tucking it away with the many other things he has stowed away to ask her later, when they have a rare moment to be alone together._

Later that night, _late_ , _late_ when they really should've been asleep (honestly? they're both night owls. they can't sleep, even if they tried.) is when she finally tells him why.

The fireplace crackled quietly, mingling with a quill's light scratch as a soft orange hue danced across the room. He's elbows deep on his table, furiously scratching at a parchment with his favorite quill, fingers stained with ink, while she's curled up on ~~their~~ his bed. From the lack of noise and her soft breathing, he'd assumed she was asleep, fully planning to get up and join her in a few minutes until -

"You know why I don't do healing anymore?" Her voice was soft, so soft he had to quickly pause to hear it, the noise from his quill almost too loud. He looked over, worry dancing across his features at how fragile she sounded. She's been thinking.

He scooted away from the table and sat beside her on the bed, reaching out with ink-stained fingers to brush her dark hair out from her face as she rolled over to face him, his brows furrowed in worry. "Why?" He asked softly, whiskey eyes flickering from her deep green eyes to her nose, her lips, her dark eyebrows.

Madelynn sat up, bringing her knees to her chest and resting her elbows on them, blanket pooling around her waist. She sighed deeply, staring down at her bandaged wrist. "We had just ran from Lothering - me, Carver, Bethy, mom." She turned her hand over. "Aveline and her husband, Wesley, were with us."

She paused, swallowing thickly, half-lidded eyes glossing over with memory, feelings. "We... had just stopped to breathe for a moment, on this clearing. It was totally empty, eerily quiet. I... I should've figured something was going to go wrong, you know, with those strange silences that always happen before something terrible happens."

Varric reached for her hand, lacing his fingers with hers in silent support, rubbing his thumb in gentle circles over the back of her hand, her fingers twitching from the soft tickle.

"Carver, Aveline, and I were scanning the area, looking for any darkspawn, while Bethany was ushering mom and Wesley to a corner to look at their injuries, when - " She inhaled a shaky breath, bringing her free hand up to touch her cheek, brushing her fingers over her trembling lips. "This... This ogre came out of nowhere, all groans and moans, running right towards Bethany and the lot."

Mady looked over to Varric, grief laced through her wide green eyes. "Bethany raised her staff above her head and charged like it was a sword." Disbelief breaking her voice, "it was almost sickening - all of us screamed, "No!" all at once. It was like some kinda nightmare from the void itself." Tears welled up in her eyes, her hand running through her knotted hair.

"I... I started to run towards them, but it was too late - the beast grabbed her, lifted her up and with the most _sickening_ crunch he," her voice broke, eyes squeezed shut, gritted teeth, a heaved sob coming from her chest. Varric pulled her into his arms with such force her head bumped viciously into his chin, her hands grabbing fistfuls of his shirt.

"He _crushed_ her and she was; She was... Gone. Just like that, eighteen years young with so much life left, a-and just..." She sobbed into his shirt, wretched and painful, wrenching her fists full of his shirt. "I ran to her and I tried to heal her, but I was crying so hard I did a shitload of nothing."

Madelynn shook her head hard, hitting his chin again. "They all blamed me. I blamed me. I'm the oldest, _I_ should've been the one charging that motherfucker, _I_ should've been the one killed." She gasped, a shudder, "I couldn't save her, Varric."

"Chuckles, even if you were the most talented healer to grace all of Thedas, you don't just bring someone back from being crushed to death by an ogre." He trailed his hands through her messy black hair, "that's not something you just waltz away from. You can't blame yourself for trying to play Maker. "

"Mom and Carver seemed happy enough to place that blame on me."

"Well, fuck them, then."

She sniffled, gradually bringing herself back down from her meltdown. Rubbing at her nose, she sighed. "Once it was all said and done, me and Carver took her body and buried her near some trees." She inhaled, shakily, "I couldn't bear the thought of her being out there where wild animals or darkspawn could eat her." She paused. " _If_ darkspawn even eat anything."

Silence filled the air for a few minutes, the two of them idle in eachothers arms. "That's why I don't heal anymore, Varric." She hesitated. "It... It makes me think of the time my useless ass couldn't save my baby sister from being an idiot, charging like she was a soldier in Cailan's army."

Varric smoothed his hand over the small of her back, her head tucked under his chin, her arms wrapped around his waist and face burrowed into his chest. "You're not useless, Mady. There's plenty of things you just so happen to be good at, you know."

Her eyes flickered up to his face, pursing her lips. "Oh? Like what?" She hummed, the ghost of a barely contained grin tugging at the corners of her mouth.

He laughed, all honey and deep and smooth and perfect, "like getting ridiculously handsome dwarves to fall in love with you." His chin nuzzled at her head, eliciting a soft, happy sigh from the girl tucked into his arms. He paused, switching from soft, lulling circles to gentle rubbing on her back. "You're also ridiculously talented at falling down stairs and breaking bones."

She sighed blissfully, dramatically relaxing into his arms, her body weight pushing him to lay down into the bed from his sitting position. "Oh, Varric, you sure know how to woo a girl."

"You can drink Rivaini under the table." When she scoffed, he added, "Hey, that's pretty damn impressive. She drinks _alot_."

Mady was all cheeky smiles as she climbed up, resting her weight on hands that were perched on either side of his face, towering over him. "Mmm, keep going." She said, her eyes locked with his.

He continued with a grin. "You've an impressive knack at throwing things perfectly into the trash can no matter where you're at."

She whistled. "Oooh, here I thought nobody had the audacity to appreciate that _difficult_ talent of mine! Figured they were all jealous."

Varric laughed hard, wrapping his arms around her and crushing her body to his. "Goof. Love you."

She hummed, face smushed into his hairy chest, arms around him. "Love you too, poof."


End file.
